This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
