Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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