I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
