remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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