My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
