I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
