I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
