Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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