I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
