My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
