You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
