forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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