if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
