At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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