Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
