it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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