Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
