Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
