One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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