after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
