I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
