Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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