Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
