YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
