You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I should be sponsored by Trojan
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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