You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
