I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
try to milk me bitch
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
