just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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