My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
