Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
