Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
