margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
