Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
