Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
