So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
