I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
