He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
