my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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