and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
