do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
