Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
