When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
