don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
