I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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