sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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