if you like me you must not know who I am
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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