He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
