Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
