she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
