do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
