I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
And then he peed in my hair
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