I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
